Have been hard to say the least. We miss Corben a lot. Our home is not the same. I know it takes time but not sure we are ready for the new "normal" anyway. Brent and I are heartbroken. I NEVER thought I would be this upset. Brent said last night he is worried about forgetting about him and moving on. I know it's what would be better for us, not to dwell but to remember the good times. Guess we're just not there yet. Corben just had a huge personality that filled our home and now it seems so empty.
Yesterday we had an unseasonably warm day (60 degrees in December!) and all I could think about all day is how much Corben would have enjoyed this day, I was so sad. Then last night it started raining and that upset me too because he was not warm at home with us. I just try and remind myself he is with us and he is enjoying everyday.
I still cannot drive past the place where it happened, I have been taking a different route in and out of town. I just can't bear to see it. I did not cry as much yesterday. I have already cried more today. And I can't help but to blame myself, "If only I had tried to shut the gate one more time!" it makes me nauseous to think about.
Chloe has been better. My neighbor (the one who helped us look for Corben that night) Holly brought her over some toys and she actually played with them. I taught Lucas how to play tug with her. Last night we went over to my mom's house because my uncle is in from North Carolina and Chloe went with us she had a great time!
Tonight we are supposed to go on a double date with our friends Desiree and Sean. But Desiree had bronchitis so I'm not real sure she will feel like going, If they don't go I don't know if I will feel like going.
That is all I have for now. I hope a new year can bring us some peace.