Another Blow.....

I found out I was pregnant on September 27th it was a Thursday. On that Sunday my sister in law called to tell us she was pregnant, not knowing we had just found out we were as well. She was very upset because she knew we were just getting over our first miscarriage. Her and her husband were not trying for another one and honestly never thought they'd have another. I miscarried 2 weeks after she told me, we would have been due within a couple of weeks of each other. Hearing all the things about her pregnancy has been very hard on me. I am over the moon about being an aunt again and I am more than grateful for Waylon to have a sibling and Luke to have another cousin but right now I am hurting. I know the pain will ease up with time and I am counting on that.

Yesterday a very good friend told me her and her boyfriend were expecting. Again they weren't 'trying' and neither one are in the best situation yet God has chose to give them his precious gift. I want to be happy for her and I will one day but again the pain cuts deep.

I am asking God why and what is the reason for all this, I know he has something to do with all this because it is to ironic for him not to!

I was talking to my friend Ashley last night, she told me it may be one of God's tests to see if I will let the jealousy take hold of me or if I will trust in him to fulfill me. She also said to continue to show his love and not to be bitter or envious and he will bless us for being faithful to him. This all made complete sense! I had always thought this was a test of my gratitude but maybe it IS something more.

I will not let all this make me bitter, I will always love those girls and those sweet babies. I will not let it crush my spirit and I will try my hardest to be helpful and encouraging.

Honestly I am not envious of either of them and their situations. Both of their older babies are much younger than Luke and I wanted a lot of time with him before we had our 2nd. It's not that I want to be in their shoes but I am asking why not me? I know one day I will know the answer, in His time.

Luke and I went on a little afternoon 'date' yesterday,  we went to see ParaNorman and the lesson at the end was no matter how much you've been hurt don't become bitter because of it. Ironic much? Wow!OK I got it! Lesson learned! I will be praying for faithfulness and acceptance.

If I can say one positive thing about this year it is that I have grown. Grown within myself, my family, my heart, my way with people. I know it has made me better, softer, more empathetic. With Brent's accident at the beginning of the year and all this these last few months we have been though a lot but I can honestly say we are stronger than ever, individually and in our marriage. That to me makes everything worth it knowing we will be ok no matter what storm comes.

Thursday Tidbits

• I am starting to feel like my life is calming down some. After our Halloween party we have nothing on the board for weekends that I can foresee! Exited for some weekends at home and maybe a night out soon!

• Just this week I started something new with my hair and I kind of love it! It takes about 30 minutes to do but I feel so good the rest of the day so I think it's worth it. I've been is such a slump for the past months I'm so glad to be feeling pretty again :)

• Staying on the same subject,  I am finally wearing some outfits I've pinned on Pintrest! Here's one of them, my boots are brown and leggings are brown excuse the poor bathroom lighting. (I always feel so awkward taking pictures of myself, never know where to put my hands! ha!)

• I am loving doing laundry with my new washer and dryer! It's way to cool, lots of lights, buttons, and bells! Ha! I sound like a 3 year old! I also think our clothes are coming out much cleaner and I can't wait to see how much lower my water bill might be!

• This may sound really strange but since we won't need to "save" for a baby anytime soon I am thinking we should go on a big vacation next spring. Maybe fly to California and take Luke to Disney and the beach, I think he would be at the perfect age and we could have SO much fun with him while he is still our one and only :)

• We had a dress rehearsal Tuesday night for Halloween! He makes a great T-Rex! Has the growl down and keeps saying " I can't wait to scare my friends" O goodness!

• Yesterday we met some friends at the park! Luke and Carter had the best time. They played in the dirt and caught bugs it was so fun!

Luke and his dirty little face

SO thankful for good friends we have had a lot of fun lately :)

Wordless Wednesday!

                                           Matching "telephones" and carseat, too cute :)

The Best Weekend!

We had such a good weekend! Lots going on but all very fun!

Friday Brent, his dad and Luke took the motor home and trailer to the racetrack to get a good spot for Saturday. They took the Mustang to drive back. Brent sent me this picture of Lucas "loving" on the mustang ha!

Then Friday night we went to the Greenwood football game! It was Luke's first time at a football game and he loved it! He mostly liked the marching bands and the bulldog mascot but he's been playing "football" every day since, so funny!

Saturday we got up bright and early for Touch a Truck at Chick fil a! We went and ate breakfast first then by the time we got done we were the first ones in line for the trucks, perfect way to do it!

The boys had a great time!

After that we headed home and Luke and I loaded the car for a road trip to the racetrack!

Brent was already there racing, we had a big group with us this time so that was lots of fun! Brent also did so good! He was runner up in his class, there were over 30 cars in the 7.00 class and he was 2nd place! I am so proud of him he got a trophy and $500!

The race lasted way after midnight but having the moto home makes things so nice! I can still put Lucas to bed and know he is safe.

Sunday morning we got up early and headed home, we were home by 9:30am after unloading everything we went to eat lunch and to find a new washer and dryer, our dryer was not working very good at all so it needed to be replaced and we thought might as well replace the washer too! I'm excited to have a new washer and dryer to play with ha!

Monday I took off work to go with Luke and his class to Wild Things farm, a local pumpkin patch that has a petting zoo, hayride, and other things.

All the kids from his class this year, so cute!

On the hayride!

One of his best buddies, Jocelyn.

Milking the cow.

Going down the slide!

I took the day off thinking he wouldn't want to go back to school but he surprised me and wanted to stay with his friends, so I took the opportunity to run some errands.

That afternoon we went with Ethan to see Brave, Luke had a good time playing in the play place before the movie and seemed to really like the movie, it was a very good one with a great story.

He is so fun to take to the movies right now, he just soaks up the whole experience. He makes me so proud!

I think that's it! We've got a full week this week and a busy weekend too! This time of year is so fun!

Loss.....

Losing a pregnancy is a horrible and scary thing. My doctor doesn't see newly pregnant patients until around 12 weeks unless you have had a prior problem then you go in at 8 weeks. My periods have always been very regular so I know when I'm pregnant if I am a day late, that's how I've found out every single time so we had a 4 week wait until we could see the doctor. 4 weeks is a long time when you are full of anxiety.

But I still thought this time would be ok. Timing couldn't have been any better, an early June baby right around my birthday, a summer baby I've always wanted so we could do swim parties in the future and far enough from Luke's special day so they could both feel special.

We want another baby so bad, we are hurting that this one didn't make it but all we know to do is try again.

Last night was hard. After such a fun weekend, a great time with Luke at the pumpkin patch and movie yesterday it just hit me out of now where. I finally gave in to the feelings and the hurt. I took it out on Brent as I always do yet that made me feel worse. For a week I have tried SO hard to be grateful. I want to thank God for my healthy husband and son yet I am so mad that he has taken my babies from me. I know he can take me being mad at him and I know he listens when I am asking for help.

Today will be a hard day too and I know many more will come but I know I will also have good ones. Lucas is my complete joy, he makes my days great, being with him yesterday at the pumpkin patch and seeing him so happy and being so good to his friends makes my heart literally hurt with love. He is such an amazing little boy and I have to praise God for him even if I am hurting. Luke doesn't deserve a sad mommy.

So with tears in my eyes I have to do something different, I have to let people in, I have to burden them instead of holding it all in and crumbling down one day. I can't keep going on acting like nothing happened because something did happen, a tragedy in my family and we have to learn to live differently.

A Song for Saturday!

I am loving this song right now, I've listened to it a ton this week and at some moments it keeps me going. It's beautiful, I hope you go and find it and have a listen :)



Plumb- Need You Now



Well, everybody's got a story to tell


And everybody's got a wound to be healed

I want to believe there's beauty here

'Cause oh I get so tired of holding on

I can't let go, I can't move on

I want to believe there's meaning here



Chorus:

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh, I need you

God, I need you now.



Standing on a road I didn't plan

Wondering how I got to where I am

I'm trying to hear that still small voice

I'm trying to hear above the noise



Chorus:

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh, I need you

God, I need you now.





Oh I walk, Oh I walk through the shadows

And I, I am so afraid

Please stay, please stay right beside me

With every single step I take



How many times have you heard me cry out?

And how many times have you given me strength?



Chorus:

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh, I need you

God, I need you now.





I need you now

Oh, I need you

God, I need you now

I need you now

I need you now

Guy's Weekend!

My boys have a very fun weekend in store for them!

Today they are spending the day at the racetrack, Brent went ahead and took the motor home and trailer up today to get a good spot. Luke loves it there and most importantly he loves spending time with Brent. They will have a blast! Fast cars and lots of dirt I'm sure the racetrack is Luke's equivalent to heaven! ha! Plus getting to ride back with Papaw and Daddy in the Mustang for the long road home!

Then tonight we are going to the Greenwood football game! They are playing Southside tonight, which is where Brent and I both graduated so it should be a really fun game!

Tomorrow Brent heads to the track bright and early and Lucas and I are going with Mema to Touch a Truck at Chick fil a around lunch time. We always try and make it to the annual touch a truck so much fun for little boys!

After lunch and a quick Sam's trip Luke and I are going on a road trip to the racetrack to see daddy race! We will roast marshmallows and hang around the campfire in the evening and stay in the motor home for the night!

Sunday morning we'll pack up and head home for some much needed rest :)

Then Monday I'm off work and Luke and I have a field trip with his class to a local farm that has a pumpkin patch, petting zoo, hay ride, games, and corn maze! I am SO very excited to spend the day with him and his little friends.

So much fun stuff this time of year!  

Patch the puppy from our favorite Scentsy girl Amanda!