*This is from my journal that I have been writing in, I wanted to put this here to talk about something else.
Every single day I am reminded in one way or another that I am not out of the woods with my emotions regarding my miscarriages, and sometimes when I see or hear something the words or actions I choose are not my best.
I often question, why cant I just get over it. I hate more than anyone that this has spilled over into every corner of my life but to me they are lost babies with little souls and personalities not just some eggs.
Recently I was pouring my heart to someone and they told me I should look into some help- as in counseling. At first I was very frustrated by their words, I wanted (and should have) to say I am seeking help from the almighty councilor but everything takes time.I guess now I can take that comment as ok you are sick of hearing me speak about this so I will choose not to, to you, anymore. I get it, it's hard to hear about, it's hard to relate to. I feel like at this point I should say how thankful I am for Brent, again, if this whole experience has done nothing else it has made our marriage stronger and solid as a rock, we are talking like we never have before and that is a blessing in disguise.
Mostly I am not sad, I live a very blessed life, I have much more than most and I often feel guilty about "complaining". I've tried to keep my feelings and thoughts in my journal as to not burden anyone else. I have no idea if that is right or wrong but for me it is working.
All of this to say that last week Tonia said that she is going to lead a bible study over Unglued. I was absolutely thrilled. Under the title it says "making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions". Wow. My first thoughts as I reading about the book was "this will meet during the day and I won't be able to go" But No it's a nightlight study meaning it begins at 8:30 pm! So no one misses out on family time in the evening. Perfect!
I am here to say my friends if that isn't God working in my life I don't know what is!
I so needed this and I am so excited to dig into this and learn. My copy is ordered and on it's way so now I am just waiting on March to get here!
......Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will deliver you and you shall glorify me.
Psalms 50:15
1 comment:
Katie, It's breaks my heart that you even had to go through this but it also makes me mad that your so called friends are treating you this way. Unless they have experienced TWO miscarriages or even one they have no idea what its like. You lost two babies and unless you don't have a heart which you do it's not just something you get over in a day. It takes time. Please just know as always I am here anytime you need to talk about it. I love you!
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