Friday, February 22, 2013

My story....

Do you ever wonder what your story will be? What joys and what heartache life will bring your way? I often wonder that for myself, especially as I read blogs about other women's lives. I also wonder about my friends and what their story will be.
I often feel so very new to this adult hood thing (is that weird?) and wonder what I will be doing in 10 years, my baby will 13 going on 14 I wonder if he will be a good boy and work hard or if he will be giving his dad and I run for our money. I also wonder where my marriage will be, will we be in the half of marriages that end in divorce? will we still be as in love as we are today? maybe more? I wonder about our health, our jobs, our home.
When I was pregnant with Lucas and even up until it happened I never in a million years thought I would be one of the ones to suffer though miscarriage. Ever. So I often wonder what other heartbreaks are coming my way. I'm not one to dwell on such things and I don't to much but as I read other families stories on blogs that I visit I sometimes go there.
I read about people losing kids or being diagnosed with a life long illness or going through a divorce and I think will that happen to me or someone I am close to.

I wonder and dream about joyous things as well. Will I get my dream of a big family? Will I end up having all boys or will I be blessed with a little girl too? Will Brent and I get to travel like we want to when our kids our older. Will Lucas be good at music or sports? Will I always work where I do now or will I be able to pursue my dream as well as being a mom?

I mean I'm sure other people were where I am at one point of their life, just starting out in marriage and with a young family not knowing what was coming their way. Everybody and every family has a story.

Before I had either of my miscarriages I remember telling Brent on the way home from going to eat dinner one night that I felt like my life was TO good. Like I was undeserving of the love we have for each other and undeserving of such an awesome kid that Luke is. I remember specifically asking him if he thought this was the calm before the storm of course he said no but I guess I just had that intuition that I've always heard about.

I  do feel like I have been in a storm but then I wonder was that just rain? There are worse things out there and I am certainly aware of that.So will something else come our way that we have to trudge though? I am sure. But at the same time I can't help but be full of hope for our family and our future. I've heard that sometimes the heartaches are worth it. You learn from them and if I had to go though those losses to get to something equally as great will I deem them as worth it? I won't know until I know but I can hope and pray and have faith.