All in. {On my heart}

The other night Brent told me "you were made to be a mother".

And it was honestly the best thing I have heard in a long time. It's all I've wanted to do. I never had any admirable dreams while in high school or collage (the two semesters I went). My main goal in my late teens early twenties was to get into a career that would allow me to grow and would provide for a family. So that's what I did. My job at the bank has been a huge blessing for me and my family.

When I was a little girl I would play with Barbies. I would fill my barbie house with furniture, decorations, lots of pets, and always at least 4 kids. I've always dreamed of a big family. Something I didn't have growing up. I've always wanted  a loud, messy house full of critters and lots of babies.

I want to be the one to take my kids to school, pick them up, be home with them all summer, take them to activities and so much more. I want to be there to see my kids grow. This isn't to say I won't ever 'not' work. I still need work and friendships and accountability in my life, it's a big part of who I am but I can see where my life is changing.

My mind is more on Lucas than it ever has been before, I want to focus on him and also I want to be there for other kids in my life as well. The birth of Emmy has really shifted me. I really don't have words to explain it. I hope I will one day because it's pretty awesome and only something shaped by God.

For the first time I feel 'all in' I am ready to commit my life to raising my kids. I am ready to grow our family and to love every step of the way while doing so. Even if that means more heartache. I am ready Lord for your will. I have faith and I have love.