Thursday Tidbits!

• I cannot believe that today is the last day of January 2013! What in the world!!

• I also can't believe I have managed to get a post up every day this week!

• Love heated seats on days like today, goodness it was cold yesterday and this morning!

• I am in full on party mode! I got Luke's invites ordered and can't wait for them to come in! Next up is making the decorations!

• Love love this picture of Lucas. In his undies playing at home his favorite place to be :)

• Brent was out of town Monday night so we did our usual facetime after bathtime. Lucas loves to see the hotel room where daddy stays and always makes Brent give him the grand tour! ha!

• Wednesday we had a playdate with our friends Carter and Liz. We love getting together with them, the boys wrestle almost the whole time!

• I can defiantly tell Lucas is getting older, I have so much more time to watch t.v. lately! haha  I've started watching the Kardashians, the new one. I never thought in a million years I'd be able to stand that show but you know what I like it. The girls are dealing with real things like marriage, kids, infertility, it's kinda refreshing.

• Loving these pretty yet practical things by my sink :) my kitchen is very much my happy place love love love it!

• Did a little re-decorating last night! I've never hung anything over our bed but this wreath that Desiree handed down to me seemed perfect!

That's all I got! We don't have much going on this weekend, of course we have tons of house-y stuff we could do but I'm trying to get Brent to take us up north for a day of fun! Wish me luck! ha!

WordyWednesday!

I know I've already had one picture of my brown dog on here this week but I cannot resist!

When I got Cooper I kind of did it on a whim. It was this time last year and I wanted Luke to have 'his' very own dog. So I thought what better valentines gift to both of my boys than a dog that 'they' could take care of. Gosh who was I kidding!! I won't ever do that again! ha!

Lucas was still so little he had no understanding of dog care, obviously and Brent was not very happy that I surprised him with a living thing that we had not discussed so after all was said and done,

I had got myself another dog.

Of course both of them loved Cooper, he was so sweet and little, calm and sleepy. But fast forward a few weeks and he was a biting, pooping, chewing machine. I had conveniently forgotten this part of puppyhood. There were so many days I almost gave up, found him another home but I just kept plugging along.

And I am sure glad I kept him in our little family. He has become such a good dog, besides the once in while chewing, he is just the sweetest thing. He loves Lucas to pieces, is always up for snuggling, and is a very fast learner.

I have become very fond of our chocolate baby and I hope he is with us for many many years :)

Picture Day!

It's picture day at school today!

 I wanted to take a few for daddy so this is what I got!

poor thing he has no personality ;)

 and even though I remembered picture day and I remembered to take a few quick pics for Brent I completely forgot Luke's backpack complete with lunch bag and money for picture day. So needless to say I was late for work as I went back home to get it. O well I guess you can win them all!

Happy Tuesday from us!

Weekend Recap!

We had a fun fun weekend! Thank goodness I have been praying for some easy days without anxiety.

Friday night we were going to spend some much needed time as a family but Brent had an offer that he couldn't refuse ;) so Brent, Luke, Pawpa, and Tyler went to the new Go Kart track in town. I really didn't want to be out in the cold and such so I stayed home and gave the puppies a hair cut! haha what a funny Friday night but they needed them so bad and I got some quiet time doing a little mindless activity.

After they were done I rewarded myself with a cherry coke and cheddar bites from Sonic for dinner! Not bad :)

Saturday Brent had to be up early and go on a quick job so Luke and I stayed home and I did a ton of laundry. Fun fun. But that afternoon we had a birthday party for one of Luke's 'kids' from school.

I snapped some pictures of Lucas before the party to use for his bday party invite, that I need to order soon!

Snapped one for the outfit of the day :) I have no idea why sometimes I go through spurts of loving my clothes and other times I hate everything I have in my closet, is it hormones? ha!

I am also loving my hair right now (I know that is very vain ha!) the color, the length, and I love it straight, I don't think that will ever change. I mean I like some curls too but I always go back to straight. Brent likes the curls, of course :)

Some arm candy on Saturday. Loving loving loving having fingernails and feeling like I can wear bracelets. When I had ugly nails I wouldn't wear anything on or near my hands (except my wedding rings) because I didn't want to bring attention to them but 28 days without biting my nails and I am getting some long ones :)

After the party Saturday, Luke and I went to Wally World then came home.

That evening he got to spend the night with Pawpa and the gang so Brent and I had a hot date night at home!

He cooked steak, asparagus, and potato jackets, a recipe of Paula Deans.

The potatoes are so so good and getting to light them on fire is always fun too!

It was a so good, I even ate all my steak, which is unheard of! We just sat by the fire and got caught up on our shows from this past week, it was a good low key evening together after a long week. Perfect.

Sunday after going to get Luke and stopping for some brunch from Shipley's, I tried to get him down for a nap. It didn't happen but I loved that he climbed to the very top of my pillows and snuggled in.

Sunday evening we had my mother in law's birthday dinner. She had fun and loved all the kids being there. Lucas' face cracks me up in this picture! He made sure to help her blow her candle out :)

That was about it. I was not ready for Monday to begin but isn't that always how it goes :)

Song for Saturday!

Super sweet song about miscarriage by Ed Sheeran

{Small Bump}
You were just a Small Bump unborn, in Four months you're brought to life,

You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your Mother's eyes,

I'll hold your body in my hands be as gentle as I can, but for now you're scan of my unmade plans,

Small bump four months you are brought to life
and I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,

If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
you are my one, and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
you are my one, and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
You're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin.

With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.

Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice.

And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide a small bump, in Four months you'll open your eyes.
and I'll hold you tightly, and tell you nothing but truth,

If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you

you are my one, and only.
and You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
you are my one, and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.

and You can lie with me, with your tiny feet when your half asleep, I'll leave you be.

Right in front of me for a couple weeks.
So I can keep you safe.
Cause you are my one, and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
you are my one, and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
cause You were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life.


Maybe you were needed up there but we're still un-aware as why

Thursday Tidbits!

• I can't believe it's already Thursday! I am glad nonetheless. ha! Not a lot going on this week and most of my pictures are from the weekend.

•  We had Waylon's Birthday Party at Chucky Cheese on Saturday,Lucas had a blast! He loves all the games and loves dancing with Chucky! We went to eat at BurgerKing before we went because he will not eat the pizza there!

• Sunday I had the whole afternoon to myself and boy was it nice! I didn't do anything exciting, went grocery shopping, cleaned house a little, and re-decorated my 'uppers'. I hadn't had anything up there much,besides some garland at Christmas, since we have redone the cabinets and counter tops. Love my word blocks and love the reminder I see every day :)

• Monday I was off work for MLK day so Luke and I went to get his hair cut and to play with some friends. It was a fun day! He loves getting his hair cut, he never cries and just sits there looking at himself in the mirror. heh

• Brent has been out of town some this week so it's been just Luke and I some nights, so that means easy, I'm not cooking,dinners so Lucas had dino nuggets and sweet potato fries and I had a burrito one of the nights :)

• I have to say I have some very good friends around me. They lift me up when I need it and are always there if I need them. I've got to spend time with 3 of my favorite ladies this week and it sure does soothe the soul :)

• Had my work review last week and I got a raise! WhooHoo! I've really put my job on the back burner these past 6 months and wasn't sure I would get one so I was thrilled about that!

•  I think that's about it. We have another birthday party on Saturday this weekend.We can't wait for that! Hoping Brent gets a few days to spend with us too!

Home

Lately Brent and I have felt a little smothered by our house. We are out growing it at a rapid pace and we know it will only get worse over the next few years.

We've made many improvements over the last 4 years we've been here but it still needs work, expensive work. Right now we are saving and planning new flooring. It's going to take all of our savings, all of our tax refund and then some to put wood floors in our kitchen, living room, and hallway.  That truly makes my stomach turn, but wood floors will be awesome for us and a major selling point when we do decide we need to move on so that helps with the cost I guess. 

Brent has said a lot lately he wants a basement or den with his t.v. and all his racing stuff, pool table, and lots of other man goodies. I hope one day he gets that.

This was never our forever home, we knew that. There's no way a family of 6 plus dogs and cats could live here without killing each other! ha!

But at one point it was our dream home. We loved this house the moment we saw it, it was perfect for us, a family of 2 with one on the way. I had so many dreams of bringing our new baby home and him swinging in his swing in the living room, giving him baths and playing in his room, putting him in his stroller and taking walks in the neighborhood. I truly felt like it was a dream when we bought this house. I now have new dreams for our home but sometimes I find myself dreaming of our next house.

Who knows what the future holds, who knows if we'll be able to sell and move on when we want I think it's ok to plan but that doesn't mean it will happen in your time.

Today I want to appreciate the home I have. The home I love. The only home Luke knows. We bought this house for him and because of him. We knew this house would help create a wonderful childhood for him and I am so so very thankful for it. We live in perfect little neighborhood with an elementary school at the end of the main street. Lots of kids around and lots of places to explore. I can't wait to walk him to school in the mornings and wait for him in the afternoons. Having friends over and riding bikes.

I have really come along way in decorating our home, it used to scare me to decorate such a big space, ha! Now I'm less scared and know my style more, it looks completely different from when we first moved in and I see that as a wonderful thing! This house is us, truly us.

We had no help financially in the buying process, Brent did it all. He worked hard and saved for the closing costs and such, worked with the bank and did all the paperwork. I had no idea at the time of how great that was but I understand now, I won't be able to get off that easy next time! ha!

Our house maybe small, cluttered, dirty, loud, and boring. But she is ours and if my dreams do come true we really will be stacked on top of each other, a family of six, two dogs, and a cat and it won't matter what house we are in :)

Thursday Tidbits!

• I've been trying out new recipes I've found on Pintrest or blogs and this was one! So very yummy but next time I'm going to try it with green peppers, we just like them best. This is also pretty healthy besides the cheese on top. I used ground turkey for the meat.

• A few nights ago I found Luke's Santa hat and  put it on Chloe, she left it on for the longest time! I think she liked it! ha!

• We had a really fun weekend last weekend. Went to 2 birthday parties and Mema came over to play with Luke while Brent and I got a date night in on Saturday! We went and ate burgers at the new 5 Guys place then went to see Zero Dark Thirty. Wow that movie was very intense, very moving that's for sure. Definitely recommend that one.

• Lucas and I taking pictures before the birthday party Friday night, he's so silly!

• I'm in full party planning mode for Luke's party! I think we will do a Dinosaur cake for the party with some simple decorations, lots of balloons, a pinata, yummy snacks and a house full of people we love :) sounds pretty perfect! I am hoping it falls on a nice day and I can set up a few things for the kids to do outside. It is very hard for me to fathom that he is really turning 4! He is such a sweet boy and sometimes I still can't believe he is mine.

• I ordered this cute shirt from Petite Lemon for him to wear the day of his party, I just couldn't pass it up :)

• We went and looked a floor samples last week and I think we have decided what we want to do. Now it's just getting the courage to tear the house apart to start the process. Oh how I dread that! But I dread living with carpet too so it just needs to get done. We can't decide if we want to tackle it before Luke's party or wait til after. Brent has to get the tile in the entryway laid before the wood can go in so that will depend on his work and such of course.

• I am on day 17 of not biting my fingernails! WhooHoo!! Wish I could say the same for exercising! Oh well I'm trying :)

• Anytime I put my earbuds in to run Lucas always wants them to listen to music so after I'm done he does this for a while and listens to my running tunes! ha!

• We have some fun things coming up in the next few days! I'm thrilled to have a 3 day weekend! Hoping to do some real deep cleaning in between the fun stuff! ha!

Today.

Today I am feeling good, fulfilled, and loved.

I have had some very good days lately. This weekend was really good, I can feel my heart softening about certain things. We had a family birthday party Saturday and I was not sad to see my sister in law. We went to Toys R Us and I even found and bought an outfit for my new niece Emmy, that was a pretty big deal, I think.

Sunday I did something I never in one million years thought I would ever have the courage to do, I felt empowered after that and beautiful and special.

I have been praying some, reading some, and listening to music a lot. Still haven't journal-ed but I am really hoping to try that soon too.

This brings me to yesterday. It was Monday and I think I've got some sort of head cold or allergies going on and I just wasn't feeling good. I talked with Brent this weekend about how I am not being the best I can be when it comes to relationships. I have not reached out lately to many people and I've felt I need to start doing that more. So I reached out yesterday and got my feelings hurt. It brought me down, really down. I feel like I am on a revolving door and keep getting smacked by it. I feel so vulnerable to others' words and that is such a awful feeling.

I know time heals all. I am still relying on time and prayer. I know I will be ok, I can feel myself coming out of this. I am very blessed and I know God loves me.

Last night Brent and I had a long conversation about how I am feeling and how others have reacted to our sadness. It's been a very hard road. I am still not "over it" as others sometimes make me feel like I should be. I know that is normal, I have read many books on the subject.

Brent is so positive about our future as a family and I am scared to death. I hope that fear leaves me.

I'm pretty sure my love language is quality time, I always feel so much better after talking to Brent, I am very blessed with a husband who cares about my feelings, I know that many women do not have that.

Getting away from facebook has really helped, gosh wish I would've done that months ago but goodness I'm so nosey and afraid I'd miss something! ha! What a joke!

Day to day I am really truly loving how my life has turned out. When I am home with my boys or out running errands or even at work I am loving being a family of 3, I am loving connecting with my husband on a level I had only dreamed of, I am loving all this time I get with Lucas without any distractions, I am loving having time for myself on the weekends. It's only when something on the outside reminds me that I have two babies in heaven that I feel sad. It's truly such a weird feeling to be so happy yet so sad.

I am still very hopeful for this year and I know we will be just fine, we have so much and I have to be grateful for that even in my healing.

Cheat Eaters

Lucas is a funny kid. Way more funny than I ever was or will be and Brent says the same thing about himself. We aren't real sure where his personality came from. Ha!

If he knows you and is in a good mood he will get you laughing. His favorite things in the evenings is to try and make Brent and I laugh. And I love him for that. I hope he is always a jokester :)

Last night we were winding down, well I was winding down (trying) to watch tv in our bedroom and Brent and Luke were wrestling on the bed and Lucas starts taking about football. Which isn't out of the norm he loves football these days, he'll say "football player needs a snack" referring to himself or he'll try and get any one who walks though our door to play football with him.

Last night he started talking about the "cheat eaters" and I about lost it. He means cheer leaders! He told us "the cheat eaters are apose to eat cupcakes, thats what they do" I was cracking up. At one of the games we went to this season a mom brought the cheerleaders cupcakes for a snack and he sure hasn't forgotten that! Never mind all the jumping up and down and flips that they do they are just apose to eat cupcakes :)

a new year

I know I'm a little late with this post but it's only the 10th so I think that's ok :)

I mentioned a few of my 'resolutions' last week but I want to go more into detail and I've added a few others.

These are in no particular order.

1. A Facebook reprieve- I have done this before and it is always a welcomed break. It's no secret that I love Facebook, I love seeing all the kids, I love sharing pictures of Lucas, I love getting ideas and recipes but I just feel my heart sinking more times than not when I open my news feed. SO many friends of mine are pregnant and I want to be happy for them and most of them I am very happy for but it doesn't mask the sharp pain that comes with each ultrasound photo or complaint about morning sickness. I just can't take it right now, weather it be wrong or right I am just being honest.

2. Eating better- well of course this is one. ha! Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to get back on the wagon, I am slow at it that's for sure but all this week I have counted calories and have stayed at or under my recommended amount. I am feeling great! I have completely cut out pop and deserts and am making much healthier dinners, so far so good on this one :)

3. More exercise- well duh. This one is the hard one for me. I love to exercise and motivation isn't the problem for me it's time, I don't have enough hours in my day. I have done ok at this one this year but I still want to do better. I am loving the couch to 5k and wish I would get better about fitting this into my life!

4. Nail biting- I really really really want to learn to stop biting my nails! I have tried this goal countless times in my life and here I am 25 and still saying I want to quit biting my nails! It's truly in my genes ha! My mom bites hers and Lucas is biting his now! I just want to stop for cosmetic purposes :)

And so far so good on this! I got to file and put a clear coat on mine a few nights ago, that's huge if you know me!

5. Be more intentional with God- I want to bring it all to Him. I want to lean on him in my recent struggle. I want to search for answers though him and learn from him. This will be the hardest for me, which I find sad. I am not good at 'quiet time' I am worse with prayer. But I am finding out though this journey I can't be the woman I want to be without him. As much as I have questioned him with my miscarriages I know he is real and he is there and he loves me. I started a devotional book this week about a lady who went through miscarriages and it has been such a blessing to me. I want to read more about who He is and search out his path for me. Music will help me with this and I am also going to start writing in a journal I think that would be a tremendous help for me.

These 5 things won't make me perfect but they will make me better. I am so hopeful for this year and I am excited to see where it takes me but I also have a lot of work ahead.

Weekend Recap!

I tried to write this post yesterday but blogger wouldn't let me upload pictures! I finally got them uploaded today but had to get creative so here is our weekend a little late!

• Friday after work I went and got my hair done! I needed a color touch up and a trim, I had her put low lights in to try and ease myself back to my natural color.....I think ;) as much I love the blond it just isn't practical. I spend at least 3 hours at the salon when I go for a color and sometimes finding a sitter is just to hard. So I am a little darker now and I am really loving it! Still lots of blond but some brown too! My hair girl is just amazing, she is so fun and always knows exactly how I want my hair and does it. I just love her!

• In other hair related news I am strongly considering bangs.....I didn't do them Friday because I have an event this Sunday and if I didn't like them I was scared they would mess up my day so maybe if I get the courage, sometime next week if Melinda can squeeze me in I'll go for it! I mean what's the worst that can happen :)

• Luke got a train table for Christmas from my Grandma, Mema C. We have NO place to put a train table but it is just the cutest thing, all wood and I love it so. Lucas has really played with it so I decided to take the coffee table out of the our living room (our only family space) and put the train table in it's spot. It hasn't bothered me yet I mean it wont be forever that I can get away with having a train table for everyone to trip over ;)

• Whenever I sit on the couch this little guy runs and sits as close as he can against me, he will lay there forever I think he is just so sweet sometimes :)

His eye looks kinda scary in this picture but it was just from the flash.

• Lucas got some gift cards to RedLobster for Christmas, because it's his very most favorite place to eat, so we went on Saturday night! We had fun and I had to take a picture of all the shrimps he ate!

• Sunday the boys went to the racetrack and I had a glorious day all to myself! It was so nice and I love that Brent wants to take Luke with him and of course Lucas love anything to do with cars and racing and being with big boys :)

Brent in his car.

Lucas in daddy's car.

• Once the boys got home Sunday we just hung around the house, I made dinner and just relaxed. Lucas had his first day back at school Monday!

Playing games on daddy's phone.

Lucas and his play dough :)

That's about it. We have a very busy weekend coming up, 2 birthday parties, I have something supper special to do on Sunday and I am hoping to squeeze in a movie date too!